The Power of Healing our Self-Esteem
Deep down do you have a genuine strong feeling of love and appreciation for yourself? Do you think you are worthy of having the life you dream of? Do you know your life’s purpose and direction? Or, do you feel lost and confused about who you are and your life’s purpose? Why is it, that so many of us feel lost and confused not only about our life’s direction and purpose, but about who we truly are? Why do we have these feelings of isolation, sadness and low self-esteem? One very concrete reason why, is because we did not have enough quality emotional intimacy with our primary caretakers and role models when we were growing up. We did not experience sufficient quality time with our primary carers (parents) to explore and understand who we truly are, what we think, feel, believe and want. Starting as early as our toddler years we may not have had someone help us facilitate that connection with who we are, our authentic selves. We did not learn how to listen to and connect with our body and it’s needs. We were not taught about our intuition – our internal guidance system and how to listen to it. We did not learn the vital importance of how connecting with our true self and our internal guidance helps us to develop a strong Inner Authority and build a strong Inner Foundation. Without having these emotionally mature role models in place, it is very understandable why we have so many teenagers and adults suffering both from low self-esteem, poor self-awareness and poor self-image.
The consequences in adulthood of having a fragile Inner Foundation
Having entered the 21st Century, according to the World Health Organization (WHO) we are witnessing an increase of chronic degenerative diseases and psychosomatic disorders such as stress, depression and suicide. According to a new report by the CDC our society is now experiencing the highest rates of homicide and suicide amongst Gen Z and Millennial’s ever recorded. Are we questioning ourselves and society about why this is happening? Surely something must be terrible wrong if our young adults are committing suicide. How did we arrive here and how can we transcend this current awful situation?
Science tells us that our brain develops to 90% within the first five years of life. Early life experiences deeply impact brain development and the formation of neural pathways that influence the functioning of all bodily systems. Our past childhood experiences have a direct upon us as adults and how we relate to and perceive the world. There are countless scientific studies that demonstrate the relationship between early childhood experiences and how they deeply influence the quality of our adulthood life. One such important and well known study is the Kaiser Permanente ACE study, one of the largest most comprehensive scientific studies performed. The objective of the study demonstrated how Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) directly and negatively impacted us as individuals in adulthood. The study records Adverse Childhood Experiences ranging from more extreme abuse such as physical, emotional and sexual, but importantly more subtle neglects such as emotional and physical neglect. It also includes common household dysfunctions such as substance abuse (e.g. alcohol, medication), divorce, incarceration and mental illness.
Judging by today’s very high levels of addiction, depression, medication consumption, obesity and suicide amongst adults, it’s clear that many of us experience some level of Adverse Childhood Experience. From these past adverse experiences, there is a common tendency to have low levels of self-worth and self-esteem. Meaning, deep down at the sub-conscious we believe a very strong life controlling belief that “We are not good enough. We are not worthy. We can’t. We don’t deserve” among other main, deeply rooted and deeply destructive life controlling beliefs. Living with these beliefs is overwhelming, draining and can make us feel like giving up. World renowned psychologist Jeffery Young PHD author of “Reinventing Your Life” calls these limiting beliefs “Lifetraps”. He states that the symptoms of these Lifetraps are depression, addiction, eating disorders etc. Through our work we have observed that there is a hidden underlying negative emotion such as anger, grief, shame that is connected with these limiting beliefs and consumes our life force and impacts our choices and life.
As conscious adults, what can we now do to build a strong inner foundation?
We did not learn the importance of loving ourselves. We did not learn how to nurture self-respect and self-care. It may all seem hopeless to some readers, but having the awareness of the above and of what could have impacted your adult life is a very good starting point. We need to develop awareness and then the courage and commitment to begin the inner journey of rebuilding our Inner Foundation so we may develop healthy levels of self-esteem and self-love. In effect we become the role model we did not have and begin to parent ourselves. This internal work consists of an internal journey of Self-Discovery, Personal Development and later, Self-Actualization. This is what our Self-Empowerment work is about. There is professional support to assist you on your journey. If what you have read resonates with you and you think you may have some inner work to be done, feel free to either reach out to us and learn more about our work or join our Self Empowerment Course.